As we approach the darkest night of the year, I wanted to connect this crazy notion of Holiday with the reality of Global and Planetary suffering so readily apparent this year! Combine that with the juxtaposition of forced spending, forced joviality, forced display of competitive excess, and still, many of us, in a deep state of despair and grief. Soooooo… that said… I wanted to offer another perspective, which may be useful, from my own journey into the darkest night of the soul.
As you make your way into this journey of the Abyss, I see that you are frightened and hesitant to continue on this trajectory! I was too! Do you feel as if everything you believed true…lay broken, in ruins? I did too! Do you pull your hair, your clothes, in some ancient ritual of grief? Does food taste of ashes and sleep is a bad friend, who never visits anymore? Yes? I have returned to tell you that there is no way out. Only through…. I cannot save you the miles, I cannot save you the heartbreak, I can do nothing about this trial. But I will promise you that should you survive, and I know there are no guarantees, there will be a gift in your suffering. These are the things I learned from my passage through this dark night of the soul.
I lost my pride, I gained my humanity. I lost my security, I gained a deeper faith. I lost my mind, and I found my sanity. I learned that guilt and shame are useless emotions. That sharing our suffering, somehow lessens it and lightens it. I am not the same person I was before the journey of the Abyss, but I am better for it, although I could not see that then. When the light again dawns for you, and I do hope and have faith that it will, remember to be gentle with yourself and take your time in reentry in your daily life. Let things go that don’t need doing. Be kind, as you would to a new baby, just discovering the world for the first time. I remember that I did not want to wear the same clothes, I did not want the same home. I left my home town, since all others could see and smell on me was grief. There was no way to start again, with the old beliefs, the old habits. It all had to go.
I had to learn a new way to be in my own skin. I had to learn how to be alone with myself, and I began a new relationship with myself. One that acknowledged my difficult journey, and honored the new voice that emerged. It was the one that I had ignored so long ago, and I learned to listen and trust it.
Hopefully, You and this Beautiful Planet we coexist with, will emerge as a butterfly from the chrysalis of dissolution.. Having re-made ourselves from that which we had outgrown and no longer suited us in our new expanded awareness. To reemerge as the new creation with freedom, flight, and beauty as its gift!
May your Holidays be Holy Days and your New Year the Greatest Year Of All, For EVERYONES SAKE as well as PLANET EARTH.
Love and Light,